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Television | Stephen Colbert: Rand Paul 'Randsplained' His Vaccine Refusal
https://www.nytimes.com/2021/05/25/arts/telly/stephen-colbert-rand-paul-vaccine.html
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Best of Late Night
Stephen Colbert: Rand Paul 'Randsplained' His Vaccine Refusal
"Senator Paul has been a bit of a skeptic of how bad Covid really is, which is probably why he got Covid," Colbert said on Monday.
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Welcome to All-time of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night's highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us become paid to spotter comedy. We're all stuck at home at the moment, so hither are the l best movies on Netflix correct now .
'Randsplained'
Stephen Colbert announced on his show that it would return to the Ed Sullivan Theater next month. The audience will be fully vaccinated, he said, so that ways at to the lowest degree one U.S. senator volition non be welcome: Rand Paul. Colbert said that Paul had "Randsplained" his decision non to be vaccinated, citing his "natural amnesty" later contracting Covid-19.
"Senator Paul has been a chip of a skeptic of how bad Covid really is, which is probably why he got Covid," Colbert said on Mon.
Paul also said wellness officials needed to "bear witness that the vaccine is better than being infected" and producing antibodies.
"No, they don't. They don't take to evidence that seatbelts are better than accidents, or that wearing a parachute is better than hitting the world at concluding velocity, or that having hot spikes driven into your ears is amend than listening to Rand Paul — it'due south self-evident. Thankfully, virtually people are not Rand Paul." — STEPHEN COLBERT
"He'south only gonna keep gelling his hair with Purell. He believes that protects him." — JIMMY KIMMEL
"No, what he actually said is he said something to the effect of 'I won't become the vaccine, but I may reconsider,' which is but the kind of decisive leadership we need right now." — JIMMY KIMMEL
"The expert news is everyone in Rand Paul'southward life stays at least six feet away from him anyway." — JIMMY KIMMEL
"Look, if you're comfortable getting by with what your body produces on its own, then you should accept off that regional theater wig of yours." — SETH MEYERS
Majorly Bad Take
Several Republicans in Congress have spoken out confronting Nancy Pelosi's mask mandate. But "by far the worst take," said Seth Meyers, came from Representative Marjorie Taylor Greene, "whose every utterance sounds similar it is coming from someone being dragged backward out of a Costco grabbing at the DVD rack."
Meyers noted that Greene, "who has a history of anti-Semitism, used an absolutely insane and grotesque illustration" when she compared Pelosi's mandate to the Holocaust on a recent podcast.
"Y'all just compared having to wear a mask to prevent manual of a highly contagious respiratory illness to the Holocaust. I'd say you should be wearing a straitjacket, but with you lot I'1000 guessing a normal jacket put on astern would probably do the trick: [imitating Majorie Taylor Greene] 'How do I go out of this? The antifa Democrats take trapped me in a windbreaker! This is merely similar Nazi Germany.'" — SETH MEYERS
"She's similar the lady at the P.T.A. coming together who argues that math violates the Constitution: [equally Greene] 'Co-ordinate to the First Amendment, ii plus two equals whatever I say information technology does.' 'Ma'am, do you even have a child at this school?' 'Oh, I gauge I need children to have an opinion on the curriculum for a school two towns over from mine. I didn't know I was living in Soviet Russia.'" — SETH MEYERS
"Where the hell are those Jewish space lasers when yous need them?" — JIMMY KIMMEL
"What is wrong with this woman? Go home! Go back to keying other parents' cars at soccer games, you monster." — JIMMY KIMMEL
"House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy immediately condemned her comments. He said they were reprehensible and totally inconsistent with the values of the Republican Party. No, simply kidding — he said zilch. He did nothing, and he said nothing." — JIMMY KIMMEL
The Punchiest Punchlines ('Low Decease Summertime' Edition)
"Covid cases in the U.S. have dropped to the lowest level in virtually a yr. Pretty shortly the only identify yous'll run into Dr. Fauci is popping out of a costume on 'The Masked Vocalizer.'" — JIMMY FALLON
"Every bit of yesterday virtually 50 percent of all Americans have gotten at least one dose, and Covid deaths are as low as they've been since last summertime. Yes, 'Low Death Summer,' my favorite Beach Boys album." — STEPHEN COLBERT
"And then now we can do any nosotros want to do. We can travel. We can go outside and be swarmed by cicadas." — JIMMY KIMMEL
"If it keeps getting better at this charge per unit, they say that past July 1 of this year, we'll need a new alibi to not want to see people." — JIMMY KIMMEL
"Covid's at a low. It'due south out, information technology's getting drunk at lunch, wearing a bathrobe in public — that's how low it's gotten." — JAMES CORDEN
The Bits Worth Watching
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What We're Excited About on Tuesday Nighttime
The "Master of None" co-writer and star Lena Waithe will talk about the new season on Tuesday's "Jimmy Kimmel Live."
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Source: https://www.nytimes.com/2021/05/25/arts/television/stephen-colbert-rand-paul-vaccine.html
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